i look out my window, i'm catching the view
where queen street meets chestnut one block west of you
these strange conversations will set our hearts free
these strange conversations lift burdens from me
my friend, come back again

now we're back at my place with morrissey on play
and you missed your ritalin, you're truest this way
our strange conversations will leave us amused
you're faster and clearer, you seem less confused
my friend, ...

what you're impressed by
i get depressed by
and what we rely on
is the strength we get by on

- Denison Witmer

"The Rest Of My Life"

I fell asleep last Saturday
Underneath polluted skies
I walked alone on those Jersey nights, and I
Saw the boardwalk start to fall
The emptiness starts to drown
The quiet corners of this town, and I...
Late last night, I made my plans
It was the only thing I felt I could do
Said goodbye, to my best friend
Sometimes there's no one left to tell you the truth

It's gonna kill me... The rest of my life
Let me apologize while I'm still alive
I know it's hard to face all of my past mistakes
It's gonna kill me for the rest of my life

This is my all time low
Somehow it feels so familiar
Somehow it seems so familiar
I feel like letting go
And every second that goes by
I'm screaming out for a second try
Said goodbye, to my best friend
Sometimes there's no one left to tell me the truth

It's gonna kill me... The rest of my life
Let me apologize while I'm still alive
I know it's hard to face all of my past mistakes
I've got to live with them rest of my life

This is the mess I've made
These are the words I can't erase
This is my life support, shutting down, for the final time
And it twists like a blade
And kills me for the rest of my life

If you won't forgive me
The rest of my life
Let me apologize while I'm still alive
I know it's hard to face all of my past mistakes
It's gonna kill me for the rest of my life...

-Less Than Jake

Words...I wouldn't mind being directed at me at this time...

Gonna save you fucker,....not gonna lose you
Feeling cocky and strong,.. can't let you go,...
Too important to me

Too important to us,... we'd be lost without you
Baby, let yourself fall,... I'm right below you now

And fuck me if I say something you don't wanna hear
And fuck if you only hear what you wanna hear
Fuck me if I care,... but I'm not leaving here

You helped me when I was down,... I'll help when you're down
Why are you hitting yourself?... c'mon hit me instead

Let's pick up your will,... it's grown fat and lazy
I'm sympathetic as well,... don't go on me now

And I'm not living this life without you, I'm selfish and clear
And you're not leaving here without me, I don't wanna be without
My best... friend. Wake up, to see you could have it all

Cause there is but you,... and something within you
It's taken control,.. let's beat it, get up let's go!

Oh you're in your own world, let's see the whole world
Let's pick up your soul

And fuck me if I say something you don't wanna hear
And fuck me if you only hear the treble in your head
Please help,... me,... to help you,... help yourself

Help me help yourself,... please want me to,... please let me to

- Pearl Jam

34...

Thirty-one (34) today
What a thing to say
Drinking Guinness in the afternoon
Taking shelter in the black cocoon

I thought my life would be different somehow
I thought my life would be better by now
I thought my life would be different somehow
I thought my life would be better by now
But it's not, and I don't know where to turn

Called some guy I knew
Had a drink or two
And we fumbled as the day grew dark
I pretended that I felt a spark

I thought my life would be different somehow
I thought my life would be better by now
I thought my life would be different somehow
I thought my life would be better by now
But it's not, and I don't know where to turn
No, it's not, and I don't know where to turn
No, it's not, and I don't know where to turn

Easter comes and goes
Maybe Jesus knows
So you roll on with the best you can
Getting loaded, watching CNN

I thought my life would be different somehow
I thought my life would be better by now
I thought my life would be different somehow
I thought my life would be better by now
But it's not, and I don't know where to turn
No, it's not, and I don't know where to turn
No, it's not, and I don't know where to turn
No, it's not, and I don't know

- Aimee Mann

Favorite TV Shows of the Decade
I didn’t/don’t watch a whole lot of television. But when I do watch I know what I like. No specific order here.

24: Seasons 1-5 – Kiefer Sutherland’s career was in the tank. I don’t mean it wasn’t going so great, I mean It was in the tank. Either box-office duds or straight-to-dvd masterpieces. This changed everything. I admit that I didn’t watch the first episode. A new show with Kiefer sporting a Limp Bizkit song during the previews, didn’t catch my interest. But my dad watched the first episode and convinced me to watch the replay. Amazingly not peaking until Season 5, sadly it’s been all downhill since. Season 6 was downright god-awful, with 7 not being much better. Here’s hoping that season 8 is a return to form.

The Wire – One of the many shows that I didn’t watch on television, but on dvd. Hey, if you seldom have cable , and never have premium cable with the exception of a month or two as a intro special, what are you going to do? DVD it is. David Simon’s show was nothing short of the best crime drama television has ever seen. A show that should have made career’s out of all the major characters (only Lance Reddick has moved on to a regular role in Fringe)…because all of the character’s were played just that well.

Alias – A former friend of mine recommended this to me but it had scheduling conflicts with Criminal Intent originally (tivo, whats that’s?). Okay, so the last season was a little sub-par. But getting there was a hell of a lot of fun. Another show I never watched while it was on tv; it was on at the same time as Criminal Intent. The action and drama was interwoven well and never delved into sap…except for that last season. Was it a little fantastical? Of course. But when you are having this much fun it doesn’t matter.

Six Feet Under –The acting and writing on SFU was top-notch. The characters were beyond memorable. The Fisher family and its funeral home started off every show with a death that that particular episode was loosely based around. It was well-done. However, the arc of the 5-season story is what you really tuned in for. It reminded you of your own family, because things were so far from perfect. Death, heartbreak, sex, drugs, and on-going conversations with dead people, SFU had it all. Though I have a feeling that if a lot of the frat-boy mooks that enjoy Michael C. Hall on Dexter, would balk at that show if they watched Hall’s immaculate performance of the in-the-closet David Fisher, lol. Why Peter Krause hasn’t hit gold elsewhere is beyond me.

Law and Order Criminal Intent: Seasons 1-5 – I won’t pretend to be impartial regarding Vincent D’onofrio and his acting. I believe he is one of the great underrated/underappreciated actors of our time. Needless to say I have immensely enjoyed his Robert Goren character throughout the run of the show. Due to the fact that D’onofrio was involved in most of the scenes of the show because of how it was shot, he was essentially exhausted and burned out by Season Five. Since then, Vince and his capable partner Kathryn Erbe have shared the seasons with another duo in alternating episodes. Who will partner Jeff Goldblum next year has yet to be decided, but I think Jeff is up to carrying the mantle. Goren’s character will wave good-bye with a two-episode arc at the beginning of the coming season. Will Nicole show up? Not sure. But I know Bobby will be missed.

The Shield – Yes, we all remember The Commish. Within one episode Michael Chiklis’ Vic Mackey character instantly made you forget it. I understand that a lot of people are turned off by the anti-hero. However, a lot of people also like rooting for the bad guy. Vic Mackey is like Stone Cold Steve Austin taken to the extreme. Oh, did I mention the supporting cast and the writing was great too? As essentially morally corrupt Vic Mackey and his team were, they were played so well that I still became emotionally vested in them and couldn’t help rooting for them.

Dexter – Those who watched Six Feet Under and David Fisher’s character didn’t see this coming. While Dexter Morgan is still socially awkward, he takes matters into his own hands unlike David – even if he is essentially programmed to play a murderous justice seeker due to what happened to him as a small child. What is often the case on cable, the supporting cast is essential to making Dexter work, and this one is no exception. A slow-burning anti-climactic 3rd season, gave way to what was possibly its best act this year. To my knowledge, Dexter is not scheduled to be renewed past its upcoming 5th season. While it will be missed, it will be nice to see it go out on top – another common factor among great cable series, not living out their welcome.

The Office (BBC and BBC Only) – It doesn’t matter how many people tell me how funny the U.S. version of this show is. It’s not. And yes, I have seen several movies in which I have enjoyed Steve Carrell’s performances (Little Miss Sunshine and Dan in Real Life among them). However, Michael Scott absolutely pales in comparison to Ricky Gervais’ David Brent. And the rest of the cast does the same, it just tries toooooo hard. As with what I mentioned with Dexter, the beauty of the UK version is that it only lasted two seasons with an elongated special and went out at the very top of its game. Seinfeld only wishes it came remotely close.

Lost – Lost is hard to explain unless you’ve watched it for several seasons. I didn’t finish Season 4 until about 3 weeks into Season 5, so I am still about 2/3 of a season behind. Numerous people have said that Lost trusts its viewers because of its complexity. I agree. Which is difficult, because it is confusing as hell. If you thought coming into the middle of 24 was difficult, I think Lost is more so. Hell, its hard to keep up even if you’ve seen all of it. I can’t explain its popularity. Most shows like this don’t survive their first or second seasons because the viewers give up. Perhaps it’s the magnetic characters and performances. Or maybe it’s the fact that you feel like you are never sure who you are rooting for, because a twist on a character is just around the corner. Either way, did you ever think that you’d ever see a Party of Five member featured prominently on a good show...and acting well no less?

Mad Men – Maybe it helps you to still be shocked by the misogyny, the carousing, the drinking, the smoking, etc. Cause, you know, its only the 60’s…right? This stuff doesn’t happen now, cause we are all so evolved…right? Haha. Now, legally you can’t smoke virtually anywhere anymore. But the rest of men behaving badly does. We just pretend it doesn’t. Maybe Mad Men needs to have commercials sponsored by the “Ad Council” legislating morality for before and afters, lol. Hears to hoping it continues to offend our sensibilities.

Gone before they had a chance…Kidnapped, Journeyman, My Own Worst Enemy. Before you start, I never saw Pushing Daisies, Saving Grace technically isn’t over yet, and I think Arrested Development is overrated. Good, but overrated, and I still haven’t finished watching all 3 seasons. And then someone will start telling me how Jesse Eisenberg is the poor man’s Michael Cera…okay, I’m digressing. Notice a trend about any of these shows? NBC. The network that used to have must-see Thursday’s, has been in the ratings dumper for awhile. I admit that all three of the shows I mentioned had more complexity than what was the norm for television. And when you have that it’s going to take a little time. It’s also going to take some decent marketing. The marketing for all of these was just a dud. And not seeing the ratings they wanted, after not giving them the time they needed to grow (and marketing them like a turd), NBC pulled the plug. Thankfully, they allowed Kidnapped to wrap things up in 13 episodes, something they did quite well. Get it on dvd if you haven’t already, its only $15 or so on Amazon. SFU alum Jeremy Sisto and Linus Roache have gone on to help revitalize Law and Order, in spite of Dick Wolf’s 9th grade politics. Journeyman and Enemy weren’t so lucky. It was easy to tell a five-minute segment was written into the last episode of both as some sort of open-ended wrap up. Neither has been released on dvd, I’m sure Enemy never will.

33 or so music faves of '09

Anchor & Braille – Felt
Animal Collective – Merriweather Post Pavilion
Austin Lucas – Somebody Loves You
Ben Harper and the Relentless 7 – White Lies for Dark Times
Bouncing Souls – Ghosts on the Boardwalk
Buddy and Julie Miller – Written in Chalk
Butch Walker – Sycamore Meadows (late ’08)
Chuck Ragan – Gold Country
Converge – Axe to Fail
Cracker – Sunrise in the Land of Milk and Honey
The Dear Hunter – Act III : Life and Death
The Felice Brothers – Yonder is the Clock
Frank Turner – Poetry of the Deed
Gallows – Grey Britain
Gasoline Heart – Cucumber Riot
Grizzly Bear – Veckatimest
Ian Brown – My Way
Joe Henry – Blood from Stars
The Lemonheads – Varshons
Lucero – 1372 Overton Park
Manic Street Preachers – Journal for Plague Lovers
Morrissey – Years of Refusal
P.O.S. – Never Better
Pearl Jam – Backspacer
Placebo – Battle for the Sun
Relient K – Forget and Not Slow Down
Riverboat Gamblers – Underneath the Owl
Steve Earle – Townes
Strike Anywhere – Iron Front
The Thermals – Now We Can See
Thrice – Beggars
U2 – No Line on the Horizon
The Vaselines – Enter the Vaselines (Compilation)

Kambei. The K-man. The leaper. The explorer. The go-getter. The swimmer. The Tri-athlete. You’ve left a hole in all of our hearts. A hole that won’t be filled. But there is a reason for that. It’s because you were loved, a lot, especially by your human and doggeh mamas. As the U2 song goes, “only love can leave such a mark, only love can leave such a scar.” We watched you grow up from the day you were born. Oh how we all worried about you because of your heart condition. We didn’t need to. You gave that heart condition the finger from the day you were born. Your energy knew no bounds. I called you the K-man, because you were indeed the man of the house. You made sure to show your brother and sisters how everything was done. You made us smile, laugh and at the end, cry. M and VG were very lucky to have got to meet you in person. The rest of us didn’t have that chance. Not here anyway. Any reunions we have on earth will be missing something. A very important something. You. But I am confident we will have a reunion with you across the Rainbow Bridge, and that you will be the first one there to meet us and show us all the new tricks you’ve learned. So with a few more words from Bono I will leave you buddy, confident that “I will see you again when the stars fall from the sky”…because “I know that this is not good-bye”.

gack!

Another month of nothing. Though when you are without the net at your main residence and have no netbook...it can cause some issues, lol. Someday...here. But really, why bother writing?

Hey, I tried

I wrote about moving forward in January. I tried, but with all the bullshit from this congress and the current leader of the country, it can't be done. No, don't start telling me about Bush. I hated Bush. Still do. But that doesn't mean I have to appreciate the current person in office, who has accomplished nothing outside of apologizing for all things American. Bush and a Republican congress set the ball rolling on spending and debt and the current administration just picked it up and ran. Oh well. What can ya do, right?

Life...

sucks...yes, it does...